Baby Making Bodies

"This poor body just isn't the same! It feels like, like, like…..it CREATED A HUMAN BEING!!!"  Yep, that's what it did and I am consistently frustrated, disturbed and disgusted with it, how incredibly disrespectful I am!  With the way I talk about this body you would think that I wanted to give it away and upgrade to version 10.0 (a 16 year olds body).  Today as I showered I had a moment of complete and utter respect for this amazing body.  This body, this one that I am typing with right this second has grown 4 beautiful babies, let me say that again, THIS BODY HAS GROWN 4 BIG, BEAUTIFUL BABIES!!!  I complain, I wine, I feel sorry for myself but really I should give this amazing body a HUGE hug, it gave me the 4 things in my life I cherish most. So today I will say, THANK YOU AMAZING BODY, you will never look the same, feel the same or be the same again…..yet you are better than you have ever been, thank you.

Norah's All Natural Birth Story

This pregnancy was wonderful!  Other than the morons that said stupid stuff like, "Your having twins...right?!" it was wonderful.  I felt confident and beautiful throughout most of it. The one thing I learned this time around is that pregnancy is beautiful, it's an amazing gift from God.  Every ounce of weight I gained I would triple it and I would do it all over again, this little mama is more than worth it!!! I'm truly gratful that I get to have babies, it's no small thing and I get that now.

On to Norah's birth Story....it's a good one, just like you see in the movies where you say, "that's not what child birth is like!!"  Well it was for me, this story has the cussing, kicking and all, lol:)

My official due date was June 17th. On May 21 (36 weeks prego) I was dilated to a 3 and 75% effaced.  My next apt May 28th I was dilated to a 5 and 80% effaced, baby dropped and the Dr. said baby Norah was all ready to go within the next 4 days.  On Saturday night May 25th I went into the hospital because I was having some serious contractions.  They checked me and said I was in labor and would prolly have the baby that night...well I didn't, labor stopped and I went home at 5 in the morning. That next Tuesday June 4th I went into Dr. and she said that I was still at a 5 but was more than ready to have the baby.  Looking back it all makes sense but I'll get to that part later.  

That next day the 5th I went to my Pump class and made sure I pushed myself big time.  I was doing pop squats with the bar and weights, I wanted that little lady OUT!!!  I was a sight for sore eyes but my friends were their and were cheering me on, seriously I'll never forget that day at the gym!  LOVE YOU gym friends!!!  That night  I left the kids with Riley and went to the mall.  I was contracting enough to know that I was getting somewhere but I didn't want it to stop so to the mall I went with a cup of pebble ice for company.  After about an hour I was having contractions ever 3 min and they were lasting for about 60 sec.  I went home and we put the kids to bed and I walked around the neighborhood. At this point I was have contractions ever 1-2 min for about 60 seconds.  I popped into the tub and they didn't slow down so I knew it was the real deal. We called our Raegen and went to the hospital at about 9pm.  They checked me in and checked me and I was still at a 5!!!!!  I can't tell you how FRUSTRATED I was.  With the contractions I was having we were shocked that I hadn't progressed.  The nurse (same one I had a few day's earlier, I LOVED her) said she could get me to a 6 and at that point they would keep me, so she did.  For those who want to progress their labor here is an AMAZING tip.  Just get put a hot pad on your boobs, you will contract lots and dilate lots:)  Worked for me both times.  Anyhoo, once I was at a 7 my Dr. came in and broke my water.  From my past deliveries I thought I knew what would happen next, I thought that within 45 min I would push 2 times and it would all be over.....not so much. I was using Hypnobabies and Riley was my coach, I can honestly say there is NO WAY I could have done it without my Riley, he really was my doula.  

Getting to a from a 5 to a 10 took me ten  hours but the pain was manageable, I could handle it.  Once I hit a ten I lost it, yep that's right, I totally and completely lost it!  

Angie and I had taken a tour of Davis Hospital and our guide was a man named Rick,  Rick is the anathesiologist at Davis Hospital.  Kinda funny because I was planing to going all natural.  I told him that and he was really cool about it.  He said and I quote, "You know going natural is grate as long as your not one of those screamers.  The screamers make everyone a little nervous."  By the time I left we were good friends and I joked that he would prolly end up giving me drugs:) 

So back to the story.  I was at a ten and it was time to push.  I could tell that something was wrong, it hurt so bad and there was NONE of that feeling like you have to push, none!  With Hypnobabies they teach you to ahhh the baby out, no blue face pushing.  That is what I was trying to do.......ya it wasn't working.  Poor Riley, really I mean my poor poor Riley was staying calm and trying to keep me calm, ya right:)  I was holding on to him so hard I thought I might pop his head clean off.  He just kept telling me how amazing I was and that I could do it and that he loved me, don't know what I would have done without him! 

At his point the Dr. and nurse were telling me to push, I just kept telling them that I couldn't push and I don't think I stopped saying the S word (my personal favorite) from the time I hit a ten until Norah arrived.  The nurse was trying to hold my leg and tell me to push and I kicked her,  I know right, I was out of control, lol!!! This is when I called out for Rick, I told the Dr.  I wasn't pushing and I wanted RICK NOW!  I knew it was too late but I think I just wanted to hold off a little longer, I was scared.  Rick finely came in the room, I stopped yelling looked over at Rick and said, "Hay Rick...It's me!" The whole room burst out in laughter and Rick smiled back at me with kinda a "I'm sorry" smile and said, "It's to late Lindsey."  I said, "I know" and he left.  

My Dr. knew I really wanted a little red head so she said, "Lindsey, she has red hair, she is right here, just push!" As if that was going to persuade me to push, lol:)  A nurse finely said the magic words, she said "Lindsey, if you push I promise if will feel better!" That got my attention and I pushed, I pushed for 45 min.  I could feel my Dr. (sorry this is kinda graphic) ripping me open to get her out...oh the pain:(  After a lot of pushing my little Norah arrived.  Once she was out my Dr. said "She was posterior Lindsey, that's why it was so hard. You did it!"  My favorite nurse said, "I can't believe you did it!"  Neither could I. Posterior babies are rarely delivered vaginally (and practically never without drugs) most of them end up being sea-sections because the largest part of the head is delivered not the smallest part.  Anyways all the mattered to me was I finely got to meet my little lady:)!!!    They handed me Norah and I just cried...a lot.  As I help her they stitched me up, and pounded on my tummy, that was so not fun!  In fact I told them they could push on my belly as soon as I had some drugs in me and that they could not touch me until then:)

All the Nurses and Dr. finely left and it was Riley, Norah and myself.  This moment my be the most tender moment of all my life.  I started to cry and Riley asked me what was wrong, I said "I don't think I have ever really appreciated the Saviors Atonement because I have never really felt pain like this.  What I Just did was so hard and it still is nothing in comparison to what the Savior suffered for us."  In that small delivery room with the sun pouring through the window and my sweet new baby girl laying in my arms me and my Riley had a moment so tender and sweet I will never forget it.  We sat and shed a few tears together and appreciated out Savior in a whole new way.  What a tender mercy from a loving Father in Heaven, one that I didn't expect at all.


So the question I ask myself is if I was to have another baby (we are not, we are done) would I go natural again?  Truthfully no I din't think I would BUT I wouldn't take back this experience for the world!!!  I think I was jipped a little.  Almost EVERYONE that I know who has chosen natural childbirth loves it and would do it again.  I wish my little miss would have come out the right way because I wouldn't have been in labor for so long and it wouldn't have been so hard. Posterior babies get stuck and have a really hard descending, that's why I was in full labor (contractions ever 2 min for 6 hours) and not progressing.  That's why I went to the hospital the first time and was sent home.  I think delivering Norah could have been much, much better.  BUT I look back at my experience and I'm so proud of myself, I feel empowered and strong and I love that I was able to do something so hard:)

Don't get me wrong, drugs are WONDERFUL and I absolutely LOVED my other deliveries!  My biggest fear was that I wouldn't love Norah's delivery like I did my other 3 and honestly I didn't love it the same way as my others, I loved it in an entirely different way.

In the end all that matters is that we get our babies here safe and sound, with or without drugs it doesn't matter.  Each mother makes up her mind and should be supported in her choice even if we can't understand WHY in the world they would ever choose a Natural or not natural birth.  Us moms need each other, we do not need judgment and contempt!  The thing that shocks me the most is that us moms know how hard being a mother is so we should be each others biggest advocates but instead we are each others biggest critics.  Just know that I am not judging you, I know that every choice you make is what you think is best and it's not easy making those choices! So.......GOOD LUCK:)

At a 7

At a 9

My Little Norah so swollen from coming out the wrong way.  Just glad she didn't get a
 broken nose and that my tail bone didn't break!

Avery real picture of how I felt.  Not cute at all and totally exhausted after 48 hours of no sleep.  I actually LOVE this pic, so real and raw.

Perfect Moments

Just wanted to write down some of my perfect moments of the last few months.  I so love this blog, I love to look back and remember my life and my kids lives. So I better not stop updating.

Last month I was cleaning up after dinner, doing the dishes and I had perfect moment. Riley had taken the twins and put them in the tub.  I could hear then laughing and splashing. Riley was on the bed with Jack wrestling and they were both laughing hysterically. I know I'm pregnant and prolly over emotional but I started to cry.  As I washed those dishes I realized that this is what I had always wanted for myself, a happy home filled with love and laughter.  I thanked my Father in Heaven for my happy life, family and home.  I think most people are looking for real joy, peace and love but don't know where they can find it.  It's in our homes that it is found in it's purest form.  It's crazy how the most simple things in life mean the most in the end.

Last week I was with my Riley helping him on a project in his office and after about 2 hours we both just ended up sitting they're looking at our phones. Pandorah was on (of course) and the song "Can't Help Falling In Love" came on.  About half way through Riley got up, pulled me into his arms and we danced for the rest of the song.  That moment  goes into the top ten best moments of my life, it was simple yet perfect.  While dancing I thought, "I never want to forget this perfect moment, ever!" I hope I never do.

Tonight (after a REALLY hard day) I was sitting on the couch with our my whole little family.  The boys were trying to figure out how they could both sit on Riley's lap at the same time.  After a few minutes of snuggles they started to talk to baby Norah.  I wish I had it on video, it was priceless. They would cup their hands on my belly and say silly and sweet things to her.  Dane said something that none of us could understand but we were all laughing uncontrollably, he's just funny!:) Jack introduced himself and baby Norah started kicking like crazy.  London told Norah that they would watch Horseland and Strawberry Shortcake together, obviously London so needs a sister to hang out with.   It was just a sweet little moment that I wanted to put in my minds vault and never forget.  

I was sitting next to Dane on the couch as he looked at a book.  I put my arm around him and he leaned into me and appreciated ever little second we shared, even when I couldn't stop kissing his yummy cheeks; this always makes him mad.  Eventually he put his arm around me and HE pulled ME close for a better love.  I NEVER get this from my little man, he's so independent and much more interested in his daddy so it meant the world to me!  

One thing is for sure, life here are the Smith home is definitely NOT always like this.   We fight, kick, hit, yell, and cry.  We sit in timeout, yell some more and then make up. Our days are riddled with frustration and every once a while a good old swear word, it's who we are.  BUT these perfect moments are more than worth all the frustration, they make up for it ten fold and give you joy that is truly priceless.  

London's Christmas List

The other day we were writing Christmas lists for Grandma Terri. I asked Miss London what she wanted for Christmas so I could write them down for her, this is her list.


1: Flash Light
2: A Kitty Cat
3: Pet Owl
4: A baby in your belly mom

I'm not going to lie it was a bit awkward...it got quiet, lol:) I thought it was sweet that little London wanted a baby in my belly:)

Looking through her list we have decided that she prolly isn't getting anything on that list but maybe a flashlight and.........I guess a baby in my belly!:)

Smith Baby #4  will be joining our little family in June 2013 and we can't wait!!

Going PRIVATE

After all the traffic we have received over that last little bit Riley and I decided it may be a good idea to go private.  I REALLY do hate doing this because it just seams like SO MUCH work, even now as I am typing this I am reconsidering...yes I'm terribly lazy! I just want to make sure we don't get any yucky yucks looking at my kido's so alas Private we will go.  If you want to keep following let me know so I can do whatever needs to be done so u can keep checking in on the Simple Smith Family.  Thanks guys, happy blogging.......does anyone really do this anymore, lol;)
  

Remember Baby JOY

Isn't that the most FANTASTIC shirt you have ever seen (Jamie your AWESOME)?!!!!!   I'm sure many of you know Baby JOY, if you don't click HERE and read her AMAZING story:)  That sun just says JOY to me:) 

Candice Liechty Hansen contacted me and had this FANTASTIC idea to sell shirts to show our support.  So many times when a loved one is lost there is lots of support for the family in the beginning and then it slowly trickles down until it's forgotten.  This is a great way to show support long term:) Can you imagine seeing a shirt on someone that was in remembrance of your little baby girl? How neat would it be if you or everyone in your family had these shirts on and a picture was taken and then sent to Breanne and Justin, either through facebook or email, that would show such sweet and loving support.   

I feel honored to be a part of this journey with the White Family. In the process I found out that my dear friends Justin and Breanne were saving money to get their family to Disneyland, those funds went to sweet baby JOY.    How awesome would it be if we sold enough BEAUTIFUL shirts to sent this deserving family to Disneyland?!!!!

AT THE TOP OF MY BLOG YOU WILL SEE A BUTTON THAT SAYS, "ADD TO CART" THIS IS WHERE YOU CAN BUY YOUR SHIRTS!   

I'm going to put the first order in ASAP so get your order in NOW!!!!  It will take a few weeks for me to send them to you so know that it's coming, it may just take me a little more time than we are used to these days but I'll go as fast as I can!

REMEMBER

Today has been hard, just one of those "don't cry, don't cry, don't cry" while in the middle of a conversation,  days.  I started to feel really sorry for myself, pitty parties are a must sometimes but it started to get old. I knew I had to get over it sooner than later so I..............REMEMBERED.  When you have been given so much it's awfully hard to feel bad for yourself for very long.  So I'm making a list, so when that feeling of self pity comes creeping up again I can come back here and REMEMBER!

1:  I have a man in my life that fills my soul with love, he knows my heart and who I am.  He know's what makes me tick and thinks it's CUTE even when it really isn't.  He loves me without question and calls me his britches, I seriously love that he calls me that!!  I am still shocked every day with how much I REALLY do love him and even more shocking is how much he really does love me, crazy Lindsey and all!

2:  I have been given 3 little people that call me mom, the most sacred name in all the world!!  I'm a mommy, this means more to me than anything than this world could ever offer. I don't deserve this sacred name most of the time but somehow my little mutts think I'm something special.  I holler, I get frustrated and I can be scary as hell but they LOVE their mommy......more than I deserve to be loved.  These little people make me laugh all day long!!  This mornings conversation I overheard. 

Dane: "Nondon (London), your puppy is bitting my Jackles puppy!"

London: Holy COW!!!   Is he still?"

Dane: "YES!!!! I think he needs to go to time out!"

London: "Don't worry Dane, I'm coming"

While working on playdou projects

Dane: "Jackles, it's beautiful!"

Jack: "Yours looks really good to Dane, good job!"

Dane: "Thanks Jack.........I love you"

Jack: " I Love you too Dane"

At this very moment Dane is telling London how handsome he is and of course she is agreeing, LOL:) I was once asked by a guy I was dating what my greatest goal was.  I said, "To be a mother, an amazing mother."  In return he said, "That's great but what's your most important goal?" I simply repeated myself and he was genuinely disappointed in me.  I remember feeling like their must be something wrong with me, like he was right and I needed some GREATER goal........ I'm happy to say he was so incredibly wrong!  I have experienced many a great things in my life but nothing as GREAT as listening to my sweet little monkeys sing songs, play games and speak with unbelievable wisdom.  Yes, being called mommy fills me with such gratitude that all other trials seem frivolous.

3:  I know that I am one of Gods children, a beloved child!!!  Knowing that I have GOD on my side cheering me on, reminding me of who I am and what I'm capable of and most importantly LOVING me through all my failures and forgiving without question is the greatest gift I have been given in this earth life.  Because I know this ONE thing I can overcome ALL things!   

I feel so much BETTER!!!!  I just had to REMEMBER!  

OUR Journey With Baby JOY

My very good friends Justin and Breanne White are going through a very difficult time.  They recently found out that the baby they are expecting has Anecephaly. Anecephanly is a condition where the baby that is in gestation does not grow a brain but everything else grows normal.  In all my days I have never seen someone have so much faith and devotion to God when in such a HARD situation.  I have such immense respect and love for this family and I have personally been strengthened through their example and I want others to have the same opportunity to feel the same inspiration and strength I have felt.  I am posting a small portion of the many posts that Breanne has so graciously shared with the world on her blog Our Journey With Baby Joy.   


 As I have followed their story I have felt like I need to help out in some way but didn't know how.  One night I was in bed and had the impression that I needed to share their story and set up a place for those who were willing to donate to my sweet friends and their family.  I'm sure you could imagine the expense's  that go along with this situation and I think the last thing they need to worry about right now is money.  I know many of us don't have much but I also know that every cent counts and would be immensely appreciated!  I have a DONATE NOW button at the top of my blog that you can donate through Paypal.  You don't have to have a Paypal account and it's really easy to do.  As the White family goes through this difficult time I'm sure your donations and prayers would be very appreciated. 


I have added one of the many posts from Our Journey With Baby Joy.




Telling The Boys


I think one of the things (there were many) :-) that broke my heart the most was thinking of telling the boys. They were all excited about having another baby and even more excited that we might be able to find out if it was a boy or not at our ultrasound. Even though I was only sixteen weeks along, the doctor said that if it was a boy (which we were pretty sure, only because we had no idea how to do girl) we would be able to see something. I had almost taken Jaden to the ultrasound and had completely planned on it. It was after school and right before scouts. I will always be grateful that he was not there and we had a little while to think about things before we told them. Thursday we had a little bit of time with only Jaden and Jaxon. I remember Justin calling the boys in. He made them sit on the couch and he sat right in front of them so he could really see both of their faces. He told them that sometimes babies are born without any problems and sometimes things go wrong like with Jaxon. He talked about how blessed we were that we were able to fix Jaxon's problems but with this baby girl we wouldn't be able to. Justin explained what was wrong with her and that with those problems that she would not be able to live. Jaxon's face instantly changed and you could see tears well up in his eyes. Jaden's mind started trying so hard to think of a way that she could live. That monday (the day before my ultrasound) we had a lesson in family home evening based on the talk "But if not..." by Elder Dennis E. Simmons. My visiting teacher had given a lesson from this talk to me in March when we were going through all of our testing with Jaxon. In her April visit she brought me a printed copy and I thought it would be a great lesson. I would like to share the parts that we talked about in our FHE lesson.

"When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego refused to bow down and worship a golden image set up by the king, a furious Nebuchadnezzar told them that if they would not worship as commanded, they would immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. “And who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?” The three young men quickly and confidently responded, “If it be so [if you cast us into the furnace], our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand.” That sounds like my eighth-grade kind of faith. But then they demonstrated that they fully understood what faith is. They continued, “But if not, … we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.”  That is a statement of true faith.
They knew that they could trust God—even if things didn’t turn out the way they hoped.  They knew that faith is more than mental assent, more than an acknowledgment that God lives. Faith is total trust in Him. Faith is believing that although we do not understand all things, He does.
Faith is knowing that although our power is limited, His is not. Faith in Jesus Christ consists of complete reliance on Him."
I am so grateful that we were inspired to give that lesson for family home evening. This was the perfect application. When Jaden was struggling to find a solution, we quickly interjected and explained that this was one of the "but if not" moments and that it was ok. We would not lose faith or question what the Lord had in store for our baby girl. Of course we all just cried. We said a prayer together and before the prayer Justin said that it was appropriate to ask Heavenly Father that this little spirit knew we loved her and that we were excited that she had chosen our family to be together forever with.
Here is a letter that I wrote to Jordan who is serving a mission. I am grateful I have it because unfortunately it is the only thing I wrote before I finally got the courage to write in my journal on may 5th. I just remember my head always thinking about something and then it would jump to something else. I am still pretty scatterbrained but I am doing a lot better. The date on the letter is April 29
Dear Jordan,
I have been meaning to write you a letter ever since we had extra testing on Jaxon's heart and everything was fine. But I had been so sick and only have felt good for just a little over a week. The exciting news is that I am pregnant. I am 17 weeks along or 4 months. The really sad and hard news is that we just found out on Tuesday that she will not live past birth meaning she will be a stillborn. And yes I did say SHE :) She is still pretty small but the specialist that did another ultrasound on wed said that she saw a lot of signs that it was a girl. If it is, her name will most likely be Joy. She has a condition called anecephaly (not at all related to Jaxon's heart defects, just another lottery ticket draw) basically she is missing most of her skull and as a result most of her brain. They said it happens 1 out of every 1000 and most of them are girls. It starts just right above her brow line (so her face is normal just different because she is missing her forehead) and from what we can tell about a little over half way down the back. The part of her brain that she still has is her motor part, so while she is "on life support" inside of me she is a mover. During both ultrasounds she just wouldn't hold still and kicks and is a fun little thing. She is even able to swallow and her stomach is processing everything. She is deaf and blind and basically her little body has no feeling. We have read a lot in the handbook and we only believe that her little spirit is there or will be there and can do all of those things :) This is by far the most difficult thing I have been asked to experience and when she is born I know it will be unbearable. There are many blessing that the Lord has given us to help us, one being the talk I sent you, another, what a blessing that she doesn't have a less severe case that she has to live with her entire life. She gets to have her body and then go home and still have her family forever without any pain or sickness. What a blessing that we still have our healthy Jaxon here with us and that he doesn't need another surgery right now. Another blessing but at the same time it is also a trial, we get to decide when to let her go. There are so many things that are playing into this at this time that it would be unbearable to decide on our own. I am so glad that the Lord will help us make the right decision for our family. If we let her go between now and 22 weeks I would probably be able to have her "normally". She would be about ten inches in length and her head the size of a large lime. Her arm would be as long as my middle finger so she would be tiny. Between 22 and 30 weeks it would be too dangerous and risk our chances of having future posterity because of my past c-sections. At 30 weeks she would be about 15 inches long, weigh 3 lbs and her head would be more like a large orange. Still really tiny but more of a holdable size for our boys. 38 weeks is normal gestation for a baby like this which would put me giving birth a week after my sister in law which would just be too painful. If I have a c-section we would not be able to get pregnant for another year where as the other we could in six months. Do we allow her to go so that we can let other spirits come into this earth or do we enjoy her every minute that we possibly can? There are so many more things in play but that is just a few of the things that are constantly going through my head right now. There are so many times when we wish that the decision was made for us but then realize how grateful we are that we get to make the best decision for our family with the Lord. At this time we ask for prayers and fasting that we will be able to do just that. No matter what anyone else opinion may be, that we can make the best decision for our family and not have any regret, which could come with either decision. Please pray for us Jordie :) Pray that my sweet boys will be ok and patient with their mother who is trying her hardest to still function. We pray all the time that our little girl knows how much we love her already. I know the Lord hears and answers our prayers and he has answered so many already. Thank you so much for your love and support! 

Right now I am 23 1/2 weeks. The decision whether or not to take her to term was so draining. We asked for our families to fast and pray for us that we would be able to make the right decision for our family. I remember wishing that the answer would come and hit us like a lightening bolt but it never did. I don't know that I could ever tell you a day that we finally decided. I know it was within the first couple weeks of May because I called my doctors office to schedule a confirmation ultrasound for May 24, to make sure she was a girl and told her that we would most likely take her to term. I also had visiting teachers on the 14th and I knew then that we would probably carry her. I will always remember one night while Justin and I were talking about it and he made the comment, I wonder what she thinks of us talking about her like this. I think that was a real eye opener for me. All the time I had been focused on what was best for my family that I already had, not necessarily what might be best for her. She too was a part of our family, what could I do that might be best for her? I knew that on this life I would not be able to do all the tender things that a mother does for a baby. I joke now that I must need to learn a lot of patience since I have to wait to do all those things with her. But I could show her how deeply I loved her and how much I wanted her to be a part of our family. If I had the chance to have her close to me as long as I could, how could I not take it? We want her to spend the entire summer with us and give her the chance to "go" when she is ready. How blessed we are to have such a sweet spirit with us! I have full trust in the Lord that he will take care of us, no matter what happens. 

Justin and I have grown so close during this experience. It seemed as if we just both really felt good about taking her to term. I fall more in love with him every day as we go through this together. He has always been my rock and never questioned anything. He still says our prayers together almost every time because I have such a hard time making it through without going through a whole box of tissues. I know he would do anything for me and I love him for it. I love him because even though I know he is swamped at work, he comes home early so that we can attend the Temple together. He always knows the right things to say to the boys when they have questions and will stay up with me when I just need to jabber. (Probably too frequently :)) I am eternally grateful to the Lord for letting me have the perfect companion. I know we can make it through together.

"When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation, and take me home, what JOY shall fill my heart! 

Then I shall bow in humble adoration and there proclaim, "My God, how great thou art!""

You could imagine how after reading these posts how much one would want to help so I ask you again to do what you can.  If it's through a charitable donation or through a silent prayer it will be felt and appreciated by these GOOD people.  Thanks you guys, and may God bless you.  

Master Bedroom Makeover!!!

 The previous owners were very.........creative:)  Bless their hearts!

I love for a room to feel open and bright.  There are a few things I have done to it since this pic but I'm too lazy to take new photos:)   

Our NEW House!

BEFORE (walking in the front door.) Notice the wall

AFTER (believe it or not this is actually walking in that SAME front door:) NO WALL!!!!

Notice that there are NO WINDOWS

See the windows NOW!! We cut holes into the brick, so fun:)

I'm not going to lie............this house kicked our butts!!! It was stinky, old and disgusting but all I could see were the BONES (and price, lol;) and I knew the bones were full of amazing potential:) We knew we could do it, poor Riley spent MANY nights in the "Before" house.........not a happy place to be, lol! We had help from our family and friends and that was HUGE, thank you helpful people!! There were times when I thought, "Is it really worth it?!" I think a few people thought we were totally crazy but we ended up kicking this stinky houses BUTT!! It's beautiful:) The most impressive part is that we did it in 2 months, thats pretty fast considering how much we did, yay us!

This is most definitely the BEST before and afters but the whole house got this same makeover so there are more pics to come:)!!

Don't Mess With A Smith Bean

First the Disclaimer. My kids fight, kick, yell, and tease each other. It's just part of having brothers and sisters BUT............my kids also adore each other. I have been able to witness it out in public in the last few weeks.

Last week at McDonald's I watched Jack play with a new found friend. This new friend and Jack were laughing at something when London came up to them and this new friend pushed her down. Yes it took every fiber of my being not to go kick that little boys *** but I controlled myself and watched something beautiful happen. Jack immediately stopped what he was doing, got down next to London and said, "London are you OK?" As he was asking he sweetly rubbed her head and spoke softly to her. Once London was all better Jack turned to the new friend and said, "Hey, that's my sister!!!" The friend looked at him like "and your point is?" so Jack said it again, "That's my SISTER!!!" This time the new friend got the message and with regret in his voice he turned to miss London and said, "I'm sorry." London excepted the apology and played with them for the rest of our time there.

Today while we were at McDonald's again (I know we go way to much)I watched London have this same experience with my Dane. London found a little girl to play with and Dane came up to play with them. The friend started to say mean things to Dane and London wasn't having it. She turned to her friend and said, "Hey, that's my brother Dane!" The little girl didn't get it so London said it again, after that the little girl got the point and went and played with someone else. London was fine with that, she and Dane played together for the rest of the time.

When it comes to the smith family, if you mess with one Smith Bean your going to get the whole Smith Burrito, watch out:)!

Every mother has that MOTHER BEAR in her, we can't help it! BUT I am here to say that if we can control ourselves (sometimes I can't) then we can give our children the opportunity to do it for each other and themselves, which in my opinion is WAY MORE effective. Us moms more often than not need to take a chill pill, our kids need to learn the rules to society and socializing and when we get involved and fix everything for them they miss out on that opportunity to LEARN!!! I understand this because I step in way more than I need to but I have learned through watching my little monkeys that it is better for THEM to figure it out on their own. I have watched myself with this and when I step in I figured out that it makes ME feel good about MYSELF, yes it's for them but it's also about ME. If I get rid of making myself feel good and let my children do it then in return I watch THEM feel good about THEM. This is a principle that Love And Logic teaches and it's one that's hard to follow but very much worth it and it's also one I'm still working on:)

The Last Six Months

For those who don't know, it has taken us 6 months to buy a house and we are now in the process of renovating it. BIG renovation! IT has taken us MUCH longer than we had EVER anticipated.

I never thought I would be where I am right now...... 3 children, living with my mom, (most amazing, loving and supportive woman I know) away from my husband that we only get to see on the weekends. I mean you can't write this stuff, well I guess you can I just never would have inserted myself into the story.

They say hard things make you stronger.........I hate to go along with a "they say" but in this situation "they" are right. This whole thing wasn't just some sad story I fell into or some accident that brought us to this point it was all in the books and it was all for ME.

The truth is that things that happen in our lives happen FOR us not against us. Even when it doesn't feel like it, even when I think I can't take one more day, hour, or second, in the end it really is all for ME. We are given hard things to make us stronger, smarter, or in my case more humble. When given these "things" we ALWAYS have the choice to let it bring us down to our knees or just.......down. I always think I know what I need but usually I'm very wrong and the second I turn to the right source I'm reminded that what I need is not what I had planned at all.

On the outside looking in I know that this shabby little trial of mine doesn't light a candle to others but it's been very REAL for me and my little family. BUT through it I have finely REMEMBERED who I am, where I came form and most importantly what MY mission is. I feel like Oprah on her final show "find out what your mission is" lol, but she's right! Sometimes it takes hard things for us to remember but in the end it's ALWAYS worth it.

So I have VERY good news. After a very long 6 months we will be moving into our home within the next 2 week, we will finely be a family again and now more than ever we know what a PRECIOUS gift that really is.

Family, isn't it about time? I couldn't help myself, lol:)

Mommy Soap BOX!!

The other day I felt judged.......I know right. If you know me you know that I USUALLY could care less what others think, BUT this time I did......A LOT! I was so upset I didn't sleep. Do you ever have those nights where you think of all the things you want to say to someone but never really would, well that was what I was doing all. night. long! I felt like I was being judged as a MOTHER, and really in my book there is nothing worse. So guess what I did back.....I started to judge that mother!!! I have found that the only time I start judging is when I FEEL judged. What is it with us moms, we can be SO JUDGMENTAL!!!!

In the middle of the night I had a HUGE lightbulb turn on!!!! I FIGURED IT OUT LADIES!!!!! I know you may have already had this personal lightbulb for yourself but I found it so helpful I feel as though I must share:)

EVERYONE IS DOING THE BEST THAT THEY CAN WITH WHAT THEY HAVE!!!! Every mother only wants what is best for their child. WE may not understand it, we not agree with it, we may even despise it but for them it's their BEST! Why can't we just step back and respect that and NOT JUDGE!!

As mothers we should STAND together and SUPPORT one another, not tare each other down. We should stop giving advice and start asking for it. I personally struggle with that one, I feel like what I am doing is the best but sometimes it is NOT. I have much to learn from my fellow mothers, we all could learn more.

You can be sure of one thing, I WILL NOT be judging you as a mother, I know your doing your best and GOOD JOB!!! Nobody is the perfect mom, nobody loves being a mom 100% of the time, we all have bad days. SO GOOD JOB MOMS, YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL and.............. you all suck sometimes, lol, that's just the way it is and I love it:)

So there is my soap box:)

Shabby Chic Lamp Makeover

I have been looking for a little lamp for London's room for a while now and just couldn't find anything that wasn't a fortune. The other day while I was at the antique shop (I'm obsessed) I found this little beauty!!! I mean when do you find a tea pot lamp?!!!!

BEFORE

AGTER!!!

It was easy too:) I spray painted the base white, got rid of the old nasty ribbon, got some new white ribbon and gathered it with this see-through lastin, then hot glued it to the lamp shade. Then I went to HObby Lobby and found the cute little dangle things and sewed them on.

Lamp: $5

Spray Pain: $6

Ribbon: $6

Dangly Crystal Things: 5

Total:$22

LOVE IT!!!!!!

Londons New Friend Eena

Today at church London and I were looking through a coloring book and saw a picture of a hyena. I said, "London can you say Hyena?" Her response "Hi Eena, I liked you!" Oh Miss London, the things you say really are just to darn CUTE!!!

Kitty Balls & 2011 Summer Pic OVERLOAD!

Meet KITTY BALLS, that's right you heard me Kitty Balls. You may ask WHY is the kitties name Kitty Balls so I ask you to just sit and think....................got it yet? Lets just say this is a boy kitty and it's quite obvious/disgusting!!! All my kids call him Kitty Balls and we laugh every time, woops. This summer would NOT be the same if we didn't have Kitty Balls around, he gets more love (and abuse;) than any one Kitty Balls deserves. LOVE YOU KITTY BALLS:)

Bear Lake, that is just a MUST right?

Dane reaching.........I couldn't help myself, could you? I mean look at that fine specimen, SO CUTE!!!!

Bear Lake, London walking around looking so CUTE I wanted to eat her.

Poor London went to insta care two weekends in a row. 1st time to have them dig out a HUGE sliver. 2nd time to set her elbow because it popped out of socket at church. Poor girl but she was so cute. We had the same Doctor both times and he was smitten with her cuteness:)

Loving our regular Shaved Ice

We are BIG fans of shaved ices!!! So we get them WAY TO MUCH!!!

Cute mutts!

It was Angie's birthday and all she wanted to do was go DANCING!!! So............we did, lol:) My married sister, my engaged sister and myself and my slightly older mother went western swing dancing on a wednesday night. I have never laughed so hard in my life. My mom was the only one asked to dance, she was HOTT!!!! That was utile her dance partner dropped her, but still even then she was a hottie:) Love my sisters and mom, I really don't know what I would do without them!

Oh Kitty Balls, you make me smile:)

Pool TIME!!! Miss London being a little fish, she LOVES the water!

I mean really........he couldn't be any cutter!!

I would eat him up if I could!!!!

London posing again. That thing she is sitting on......... I can't wait to show you what I'm doing with them!!!!

My sweet Dane getting into everything AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, cut monkey!

Yes he is elbow deep into the jam.

Jack has been fishing quite a bit and we cook the fish and eat them:) Jack thinks he's cool and he eats the fish eyes and cheeks:) I know it sounds weird but when I told him that we used to have Chinese visitors and they ate the eyes and cheeks he thought that he must to the same:)

London does a lot of this, just being cute:)

Jack has hung out with his cousins that he thinks they are so COOL!!!! I mean this pic says a million words:) He prays for them EVER NIGHT, lol:)

Hanging out with some more FUN cousins:)