Perfect Moments

Just wanted to write down some of my perfect moments of the last few months.  I so love this blog, I love to look back and remember my life and my kids lives. So I better not stop updating.

Last month I was cleaning up after dinner, doing the dishes and I had perfect moment. Riley had taken the twins and put them in the tub.  I could hear then laughing and splashing. Riley was on the bed with Jack wrestling and they were both laughing hysterically. I know I'm pregnant and prolly over emotional but I started to cry.  As I washed those dishes I realized that this is what I had always wanted for myself, a happy home filled with love and laughter.  I thanked my Father in Heaven for my happy life, family and home.  I think most people are looking for real joy, peace and love but don't know where they can find it.  It's in our homes that it is found in it's purest form.  It's crazy how the most simple things in life mean the most in the end.

Last week I was with my Riley helping him on a project in his office and after about 2 hours we both just ended up sitting they're looking at our phones. Pandorah was on (of course) and the song "Can't Help Falling In Love" came on.  About half way through Riley got up, pulled me into his arms and we danced for the rest of the song.  That moment  goes into the top ten best moments of my life, it was simple yet perfect.  While dancing I thought, "I never want to forget this perfect moment, ever!" I hope I never do.

Tonight (after a REALLY hard day) I was sitting on the couch with our my whole little family.  The boys were trying to figure out how they could both sit on Riley's lap at the same time.  After a few minutes of snuggles they started to talk to baby Norah.  I wish I had it on video, it was priceless. They would cup their hands on my belly and say silly and sweet things to her.  Dane said something that none of us could understand but we were all laughing uncontrollably, he's just funny!:) Jack introduced himself and baby Norah started kicking like crazy.  London told Norah that they would watch Horseland and Strawberry Shortcake together, obviously London so needs a sister to hang out with.   It was just a sweet little moment that I wanted to put in my minds vault and never forget.  

I was sitting next to Dane on the couch as he looked at a book.  I put my arm around him and he leaned into me and appreciated ever little second we shared, even when I couldn't stop kissing his yummy cheeks; this always makes him mad.  Eventually he put his arm around me and HE pulled ME close for a better love.  I NEVER get this from my little man, he's so independent and much more interested in his daddy so it meant the world to me!  

One thing is for sure, life here are the Smith home is definitely NOT always like this.   We fight, kick, hit, yell, and cry.  We sit in timeout, yell some more and then make up. Our days are riddled with frustration and every once a while a good old swear word, it's who we are.  BUT these perfect moments are more than worth all the frustration, they make up for it ten fold and give you joy that is truly priceless.  

London's Christmas List

The other day we were writing Christmas lists for Grandma Terri. I asked Miss London what she wanted for Christmas so I could write them down for her, this is her list.


1: Flash Light
2: A Kitty Cat
3: Pet Owl
4: A baby in your belly mom

I'm not going to lie it was a bit awkward...it got quiet, lol:) I thought it was sweet that little London wanted a baby in my belly:)

Looking through her list we have decided that she prolly isn't getting anything on that list but maybe a flashlight and.........I guess a baby in my belly!:)

Smith Baby #4  will be joining our little family in June 2013 and we can't wait!!

Going PRIVATE

After all the traffic we have received over that last little bit Riley and I decided it may be a good idea to go private.  I REALLY do hate doing this because it just seams like SO MUCH work, even now as I am typing this I am reconsidering...yes I'm terribly lazy! I just want to make sure we don't get any yucky yucks looking at my kido's so alas Private we will go.  If you want to keep following let me know so I can do whatever needs to be done so u can keep checking in on the Simple Smith Family.  Thanks guys, happy blogging.......does anyone really do this anymore, lol;)
  

Remember Baby JOY

Isn't that the most FANTASTIC shirt you have ever seen (Jamie your AWESOME)?!!!!!   I'm sure many of you know Baby JOY, if you don't click HERE and read her AMAZING story:)  That sun just says JOY to me:) 

Candice Liechty Hansen contacted me and had this FANTASTIC idea to sell shirts to show our support.  So many times when a loved one is lost there is lots of support for the family in the beginning and then it slowly trickles down until it's forgotten.  This is a great way to show support long term:) Can you imagine seeing a shirt on someone that was in remembrance of your little baby girl? How neat would it be if you or everyone in your family had these shirts on and a picture was taken and then sent to Breanne and Justin, either through facebook or email, that would show such sweet and loving support.   

I feel honored to be a part of this journey with the White Family. In the process I found out that my dear friends Justin and Breanne were saving money to get their family to Disneyland, those funds went to sweet baby JOY.    How awesome would it be if we sold enough BEAUTIFUL shirts to sent this deserving family to Disneyland?!!!!

AT THE TOP OF MY BLOG YOU WILL SEE A BUTTON THAT SAYS, "ADD TO CART" THIS IS WHERE YOU CAN BUY YOUR SHIRTS!   

I'm going to put the first order in ASAP so get your order in NOW!!!!  It will take a few weeks for me to send them to you so know that it's coming, it may just take me a little more time than we are used to these days but I'll go as fast as I can!

REMEMBER

Today has been hard, just one of those "don't cry, don't cry, don't cry" while in the middle of a conversation,  days.  I started to feel really sorry for myself, pitty parties are a must sometimes but it started to get old. I knew I had to get over it sooner than later so I..............REMEMBERED.  When you have been given so much it's awfully hard to feel bad for yourself for very long.  So I'm making a list, so when that feeling of self pity comes creeping up again I can come back here and REMEMBER!

1:  I have a man in my life that fills my soul with love, he knows my heart and who I am.  He know's what makes me tick and thinks it's CUTE even when it really isn't.  He loves me without question and calls me his britches, I seriously love that he calls me that!!  I am still shocked every day with how much I REALLY do love him and even more shocking is how much he really does love me, crazy Lindsey and all!

2:  I have been given 3 little people that call me mom, the most sacred name in all the world!!  I'm a mommy, this means more to me than anything than this world could ever offer. I don't deserve this sacred name most of the time but somehow my little mutts think I'm something special.  I holler, I get frustrated and I can be scary as hell but they LOVE their mommy......more than I deserve to be loved.  These little people make me laugh all day long!!  This mornings conversation I overheard. 

Dane: "Nondon (London), your puppy is bitting my Jackles puppy!"

London: Holy COW!!!   Is he still?"

Dane: "YES!!!! I think he needs to go to time out!"

London: "Don't worry Dane, I'm coming"

While working on playdou projects

Dane: "Jackles, it's beautiful!"

Jack: "Yours looks really good to Dane, good job!"

Dane: "Thanks Jack.........I love you"

Jack: " I Love you too Dane"

At this very moment Dane is telling London how handsome he is and of course she is agreeing, LOL:) I was once asked by a guy I was dating what my greatest goal was.  I said, "To be a mother, an amazing mother."  In return he said, "That's great but what's your most important goal?" I simply repeated myself and he was genuinely disappointed in me.  I remember feeling like their must be something wrong with me, like he was right and I needed some GREATER goal........ I'm happy to say he was so incredibly wrong!  I have experienced many a great things in my life but nothing as GREAT as listening to my sweet little monkeys sing songs, play games and speak with unbelievable wisdom.  Yes, being called mommy fills me with such gratitude that all other trials seem frivolous.

3:  I know that I am one of Gods children, a beloved child!!!  Knowing that I have GOD on my side cheering me on, reminding me of who I am and what I'm capable of and most importantly LOVING me through all my failures and forgiving without question is the greatest gift I have been given in this earth life.  Because I know this ONE thing I can overcome ALL things!   

I feel so much BETTER!!!!  I just had to REMEMBER!  

OUR Journey With Baby JOY

My very good friends Justin and Breanne White are going through a very difficult time.  They recently found out that the baby they are expecting has Anecephaly. Anecephanly is a condition where the baby that is in gestation does not grow a brain but everything else grows normal.  In all my days I have never seen someone have so much faith and devotion to God when in such a HARD situation.  I have such immense respect and love for this family and I have personally been strengthened through their example and I want others to have the same opportunity to feel the same inspiration and strength I have felt.  I am posting a small portion of the many posts that Breanne has so graciously shared with the world on her blog Our Journey With Baby Joy.   


 As I have followed their story I have felt like I need to help out in some way but didn't know how.  One night I was in bed and had the impression that I needed to share their story and set up a place for those who were willing to donate to my sweet friends and their family.  I'm sure you could imagine the expense's  that go along with this situation and I think the last thing they need to worry about right now is money.  I know many of us don't have much but I also know that every cent counts and would be immensely appreciated!  I have a DONATE NOW button at the top of my blog that you can donate through Paypal.  You don't have to have a Paypal account and it's really easy to do.  As the White family goes through this difficult time I'm sure your donations and prayers would be very appreciated. 


I have added one of the many posts from Our Journey With Baby Joy.




Telling The Boys


I think one of the things (there were many) :-) that broke my heart the most was thinking of telling the boys. They were all excited about having another baby and even more excited that we might be able to find out if it was a boy or not at our ultrasound. Even though I was only sixteen weeks along, the doctor said that if it was a boy (which we were pretty sure, only because we had no idea how to do girl) we would be able to see something. I had almost taken Jaden to the ultrasound and had completely planned on it. It was after school and right before scouts. I will always be grateful that he was not there and we had a little while to think about things before we told them. Thursday we had a little bit of time with only Jaden and Jaxon. I remember Justin calling the boys in. He made them sit on the couch and he sat right in front of them so he could really see both of their faces. He told them that sometimes babies are born without any problems and sometimes things go wrong like with Jaxon. He talked about how blessed we were that we were able to fix Jaxon's problems but with this baby girl we wouldn't be able to. Justin explained what was wrong with her and that with those problems that she would not be able to live. Jaxon's face instantly changed and you could see tears well up in his eyes. Jaden's mind started trying so hard to think of a way that she could live. That monday (the day before my ultrasound) we had a lesson in family home evening based on the talk "But if not..." by Elder Dennis E. Simmons. My visiting teacher had given a lesson from this talk to me in March when we were going through all of our testing with Jaxon. In her April visit she brought me a printed copy and I thought it would be a great lesson. I would like to share the parts that we talked about in our FHE lesson.

"When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego refused to bow down and worship a golden image set up by the king, a furious Nebuchadnezzar told them that if they would not worship as commanded, they would immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. “And who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?” The three young men quickly and confidently responded, “If it be so [if you cast us into the furnace], our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand.” That sounds like my eighth-grade kind of faith. But then they demonstrated that they fully understood what faith is. They continued, “But if not, … we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.”  That is a statement of true faith.
They knew that they could trust God—even if things didn’t turn out the way they hoped.  They knew that faith is more than mental assent, more than an acknowledgment that God lives. Faith is total trust in Him. Faith is believing that although we do not understand all things, He does.
Faith is knowing that although our power is limited, His is not. Faith in Jesus Christ consists of complete reliance on Him."
I am so grateful that we were inspired to give that lesson for family home evening. This was the perfect application. When Jaden was struggling to find a solution, we quickly interjected and explained that this was one of the "but if not" moments and that it was ok. We would not lose faith or question what the Lord had in store for our baby girl. Of course we all just cried. We said a prayer together and before the prayer Justin said that it was appropriate to ask Heavenly Father that this little spirit knew we loved her and that we were excited that she had chosen our family to be together forever with.
Here is a letter that I wrote to Jordan who is serving a mission. I am grateful I have it because unfortunately it is the only thing I wrote before I finally got the courage to write in my journal on may 5th. I just remember my head always thinking about something and then it would jump to something else. I am still pretty scatterbrained but I am doing a lot better. The date on the letter is April 29
Dear Jordan,
I have been meaning to write you a letter ever since we had extra testing on Jaxon's heart and everything was fine. But I had been so sick and only have felt good for just a little over a week. The exciting news is that I am pregnant. I am 17 weeks along or 4 months. The really sad and hard news is that we just found out on Tuesday that she will not live past birth meaning she will be a stillborn. And yes I did say SHE :) She is still pretty small but the specialist that did another ultrasound on wed said that she saw a lot of signs that it was a girl. If it is, her name will most likely be Joy. She has a condition called anecephaly (not at all related to Jaxon's heart defects, just another lottery ticket draw) basically she is missing most of her skull and as a result most of her brain. They said it happens 1 out of every 1000 and most of them are girls. It starts just right above her brow line (so her face is normal just different because she is missing her forehead) and from what we can tell about a little over half way down the back. The part of her brain that she still has is her motor part, so while she is "on life support" inside of me she is a mover. During both ultrasounds she just wouldn't hold still and kicks and is a fun little thing. She is even able to swallow and her stomach is processing everything. She is deaf and blind and basically her little body has no feeling. We have read a lot in the handbook and we only believe that her little spirit is there or will be there and can do all of those things :) This is by far the most difficult thing I have been asked to experience and when she is born I know it will be unbearable. There are many blessing that the Lord has given us to help us, one being the talk I sent you, another, what a blessing that she doesn't have a less severe case that she has to live with her entire life. She gets to have her body and then go home and still have her family forever without any pain or sickness. What a blessing that we still have our healthy Jaxon here with us and that he doesn't need another surgery right now. Another blessing but at the same time it is also a trial, we get to decide when to let her go. There are so many things that are playing into this at this time that it would be unbearable to decide on our own. I am so glad that the Lord will help us make the right decision for our family. If we let her go between now and 22 weeks I would probably be able to have her "normally". She would be about ten inches in length and her head the size of a large lime. Her arm would be as long as my middle finger so she would be tiny. Between 22 and 30 weeks it would be too dangerous and risk our chances of having future posterity because of my past c-sections. At 30 weeks she would be about 15 inches long, weigh 3 lbs and her head would be more like a large orange. Still really tiny but more of a holdable size for our boys. 38 weeks is normal gestation for a baby like this which would put me giving birth a week after my sister in law which would just be too painful. If I have a c-section we would not be able to get pregnant for another year where as the other we could in six months. Do we allow her to go so that we can let other spirits come into this earth or do we enjoy her every minute that we possibly can? There are so many more things in play but that is just a few of the things that are constantly going through my head right now. There are so many times when we wish that the decision was made for us but then realize how grateful we are that we get to make the best decision for our family with the Lord. At this time we ask for prayers and fasting that we will be able to do just that. No matter what anyone else opinion may be, that we can make the best decision for our family and not have any regret, which could come with either decision. Please pray for us Jordie :) Pray that my sweet boys will be ok and patient with their mother who is trying her hardest to still function. We pray all the time that our little girl knows how much we love her already. I know the Lord hears and answers our prayers and he has answered so many already. Thank you so much for your love and support! 

Right now I am 23 1/2 weeks. The decision whether or not to take her to term was so draining. We asked for our families to fast and pray for us that we would be able to make the right decision for our family. I remember wishing that the answer would come and hit us like a lightening bolt but it never did. I don't know that I could ever tell you a day that we finally decided. I know it was within the first couple weeks of May because I called my doctors office to schedule a confirmation ultrasound for May 24, to make sure she was a girl and told her that we would most likely take her to term. I also had visiting teachers on the 14th and I knew then that we would probably carry her. I will always remember one night while Justin and I were talking about it and he made the comment, I wonder what she thinks of us talking about her like this. I think that was a real eye opener for me. All the time I had been focused on what was best for my family that I already had, not necessarily what might be best for her. She too was a part of our family, what could I do that might be best for her? I knew that on this life I would not be able to do all the tender things that a mother does for a baby. I joke now that I must need to learn a lot of patience since I have to wait to do all those things with her. But I could show her how deeply I loved her and how much I wanted her to be a part of our family. If I had the chance to have her close to me as long as I could, how could I not take it? We want her to spend the entire summer with us and give her the chance to "go" when she is ready. How blessed we are to have such a sweet spirit with us! I have full trust in the Lord that he will take care of us, no matter what happens. 

Justin and I have grown so close during this experience. It seemed as if we just both really felt good about taking her to term. I fall more in love with him every day as we go through this together. He has always been my rock and never questioned anything. He still says our prayers together almost every time because I have such a hard time making it through without going through a whole box of tissues. I know he would do anything for me and I love him for it. I love him because even though I know he is swamped at work, he comes home early so that we can attend the Temple together. He always knows the right things to say to the boys when they have questions and will stay up with me when I just need to jabber. (Probably too frequently :)) I am eternally grateful to the Lord for letting me have the perfect companion. I know we can make it through together.

"When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation, and take me home, what JOY shall fill my heart! 

Then I shall bow in humble adoration and there proclaim, "My God, how great thou art!""

You could imagine how after reading these posts how much one would want to help so I ask you again to do what you can.  If it's through a charitable donation or through a silent prayer it will be felt and appreciated by these GOOD people.  Thanks you guys, and may God bless you.  

Master Bedroom Makeover!!!

 The previous owners were very.........creative:)  Bless their hearts!

I love for a room to feel open and bright.  There are a few things I have done to it since this pic but I'm too lazy to take new photos:)